Japan

I feel a little morbid. I can't stop watching the videos of the tsunami and looking at pictures of the destruction. It just seems so surreal to me and like something out of a movie. I just found out today that the tsunami hit about 30 minutes after the earthquake. That didn't give residents much time to get to higher ground. I can't imagine how frightening the whole experience would have been and what a horrible way to die. One of the videos showed people running from the wave and it seems like some didn't make it. Other videos show people watching their homes being washed away. The power of the water moving buildings and cars effortlessly just blows my mind. The after images showing buses, cars, and ships on top of 3 story buildings are just incredible. I also think that one of the scariest things about earthquakes is that there are aftershocks. After experiencing a huge, devastating earthquake I think that the aftershocks would invoke an automatic panic response.  I found out too that they had a 7.2 earthquake in the same place 2 days before. The fact that a earthquake that big didn't make the news also blows my mind. That's not a small thing! One encouraging video I saw showed the people who have been displaced really helping each other to get water and find loved ones.  From what I remember, Japan is a more collective society (vs. individualistic like the US) and I admire that that moves them to work for the greater good in these circumstances rather than just looking out for themselves.  I feel helpless and don't know what I might do other than pray for the people who have lost everything. One woman interviewed said that she didn't know if it was good she had survived. She lost everything and it will take a long time to rebuild.  I pray for hope for those people.  It is all so terribly sad.

Drive

I am reading the book Drive by Dan Pink (along with a bunch of other books since I can't seem to sit down with just one for too long). I find it very fascinating and I am looking forward to seeing if there is some practical tips I can use to improve things in my own work place. The premise is that intrinsic motivation is in many ways squelched by external rewards/punishments which is the traditional way for motivating people/employees. I think about our attempt at work to reduce central line infections and how not everyone is on board with doing the things a collaborative group of hospitals has said will help to reduce infection. Based on this book, the things we have tried (parties for increasing numbers of days without infection, etc) worked as expected. The reward system works in the short term (and it did for us), but people's long term motivation to see it through wanes (and our data says that we are taking steps backwards). So I think that the best way to approach it is just to say "we are doing this because it will create the best outcomes for our patients" and make that the focus. Irregular, unexpected rewards acknowledging a job well done are allowed, but if they become consistent, the reward becomes expected and the same problems result. Per the book, intrinsic motivation can be developed and is found in work that has autonomy, requires/allows the person to obtain mastery, and gives the person a sense of purpose. I am just now in the chapter on autonomy so I'll have to let you know how the rest of the book goes and what I think.  So far it is an interesting book based on psychological approaches and studies I find fascinating. After reading books like this and Freakonomics and it's sequel I sometimes think I should have been a behavioral economist or something (I didn't know that economics was the study of the way people behave). I find it so interesting (but I'm not sure I'm creative enough to think like they do).  I took an assessment from the book's website that says I am more extrinsically motivated than intrinsically. Guess I will have to work on that to be able to really make something of my life and be fulfilled.

God is Good

Our pastor challenged us today via email to list ways in which God is good to us (especially if we're going through a low time).

God has blessed me with an amazing family. I was raised in a Christian home with parents that really live out their belief in God. They are even fun to be around (you can just ask the guy I'm dating).

Even though she drives me crazy sometimes, my roommate is a blessing. She's always there to talk about things (sometimes too much talking though). She is a great ministry partner (teaching 6th grade together and serving in other youth events) and a good friend.

God has given me a man of character just as I asked Him. If only this man were also a follower of Christ I would marry him tomorrow if he asked. :-P

God has blessed me with a stable job where I can make a difference. It allows me to make enough money to pay my bills, travel the world and to share with others.

So, despite the fact that I am not where I might have dreamed I would be at 28, I am in a good place. :)

Who I want to be

This morning I met a new hire at work who has the unique ability of connecting with you almost immediately. She makes you feel so at ease and as if you are instantaneously one of her best friends! I like her already. I would love to have her interaction abilities! I think I'll have to pay attention to what it is she does. She has an openness about her and I know the key is that somehow she makes you feel good just by talking to her.  I always wanted to be the type of person who could light up a room just by walking in and I think the key is definitely being a sociable person.  I'm gonna work on it.

Spring is in the Air (or maybe just in my heart)

Feeling a little more upbeat these days. Maybe it is the sunshine and random warm days. Maybe you can only be in a funk for so long. But, I feel a lightening in my heart and a desire to experience more and worry less.

I am attempting to finish up applying to grad school. I am nervous about the prospect of not getting accepted on the first attempt. I hear that is common. But when I see myself at the end of the program graduating and being able to say "I have a master's degree!" that makes me happy; excited even.

I need more things to be excited about, I think. I need to spend some time researching what I want to see in Italy so I can get excited about our trip in June. I need to be less reserved and let my excitement about things show and I need to take more pleasure in the everyday.  It is so valuable to be able to focus on the joys in life rather than the disappointments and to be able to do that on a day-to-day basis. I can always use encouragement. 

Today's victories:
1. I ran 10 miles for the first time ever!
2. I made some beer bread for a get-together with friends tonight.
3. I made small progress toward repairing a broken friendship which feels really good. :)

Trying not to take my blessings for granted

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard. About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’ ‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered. He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’ When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’ The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’ But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?' So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” Matthew 20:1-16


I am trying not to be the first workers, but I am struggling with it mightily these days. I keep focusing on the things I lack rather than what I have. My car is now almost 2. I've had my home for 4.5 years. I feel the only people who love me in the world are my parents whereas others are blessed with large families of husbands and children and in-laws that love them.  I am getting a pay cut (on the next paycheck?) and I'm worried about what that will mean. But the thing is, I don't deserve any of it anyway. How can I question God's generosity toward others? How arrogant of me! The things I do have are very good things and I am very blessed! I have my health and my car and my home and my job. If I must compare, I should compare to those that don't even have those things and then give what I have away to help them. I should work hard, accept my lot in life, and find what God's purpose is for my life.


One of our elders on Sunday spoke of how Jesus told us that the only way to be happy is to serve others. I know that that is generally true for me. When I don't focus on myself I tend to be much happier. I need to worry less about how much I am loved and more about how much I love others.

Motivation

I have taken a renewed interest in the topic of motivation. It seems to pop up in my mind as a fascinating topic now and again. I think I was first aware of how interesting the subject is while taking my psych classes in nursing school. What is it that motivates one person to stop drinking/smoking/bad health behaviors but inhibits another from doing the same? How can we as health professionals influence a person's level of motivation? Now, as I think about the possibility of taking a certification exam and returning to school AND as I experience a lot of change at work, I have started thinking again about how curious a thing motivation is. Am I motivated enough to study on my own, pay for, take and pass the CCRN exam (sooner rather than later)? Am I willing to struggle and suffer through the classes and work required to get my masters?  And for work what is it that intrinsically motivates people to learn? I am on the education committee and people just don't seem motivated to learn more about the diseases we encounter or how to do their jobs better. How do I change the work culture enough to help people want to learn and not feel burdened by the information provided them? How do you help people take ownership and partner with you in something that benefits them even if it takes a little extra work on their part?  You know, I had always intended to look up more in nursing school on the topic of motivation and just never got around to it.  I'm sure there is tons of information and research out there. I guess I simply lacked the motivation.... :-P