Friday, November 4, 2011

Different thoughts on love

I sometimes think it's funny how differently Michael an I think about showing love to one another. I was talking with a coworker last night about a relationship she had had that didn't last, and I'm always so struck by the truths from the ideas of the 5 love languages (a book I have never read) and how those play out. 
The 5 love languages are:
1. Quality time
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Physical touch
5. Words of affirmation

Fortunately, I think I am low on words of affirmation because Michael tends to tease me mercilessly, but I think that everyone needs to experience a little of each. The premise is that you primarily show love in the way you want to be loved. So, since I am a quality time person (mostly), I want people who love me to just be around me. I often like to be doing something meaningful, but I feel loved when I have time with the other person and I will do my best to spend time with the person I care for.  Michael tends to be physical touch. He wants me to rub his back or scratch his head all the time and likes to cuddle.  He is wonderful sometimes at doing small acts of service (taking out the trash, helping with my dog, bringing my lunch to work when I leave it at home, etc) which is probably my number 2 and I try to show Michael I care for him by cooking for him sometimes. I'm careful not to do too much at this stage in the relationship, because I'm still afraid of being taken advantage of.  I don't want him to expect me to clean his house or do his laundry (tasks I hate anyway).  I could care less about gifts, which is probably my lowest and something that I think is pretty low for Michael too.

Michael has some interesting ideas on what girls want from a guy. He thinks that we say we want a guy who is nice to us and buys us flowers and tells us we're beautiful, but that if we find a guy like that we're actually not interested. Instead, he thinks we want someone who will keep it interesting. He says he has tried his techniques on me and I am the most successful relationship he has had, so it must work.  I think he is right in a sense. When I don't know a guy well, I don't want him to be so nice to me. If he doesn't know me, I don't understand why would he say nice, loving things to me unless he has ulterior motives (sex).  BUT I think there comes a point when a girl feels that a guy knows her that she wants unconditional acceptance for who she really is and to know that he finds her unique and valuable and worth loving. That doesn't mean be super sappy all the time, but I know that I would value special occasions.  Although, the teasing has me a little jaded and I might not believe it's real.