Thursday, October 13, 2011

Being single

All the Single Ladies - The Atlantic

I have always thought that I was somehow less because I'm still single. It was as if all my friends or acquaintances finally became somebody when they had someone to love them for the rest of their lives. In my eyes they now had purpose and meaning and family and belonged to a different class of people - a higher class. I always felt I must somehow be less because no one loved me. I am now dating someone I could see spending the rest of my life with, but the fact that he doesn't yet feel the same still stings like not being worthy of love at all. Somehow, despite what the linked article says, I feel as if everyone I know is married or getting married. Those who are married are all having children and I feel like I'm left behind and as if I've missed something.  This viewpoint that life finally starts when you get married really hinders the single person. There are so many benefits to being single. Before dating, I had so much time to do hobbies I liked and to read and to hang out with my girlfriends. I don't see much of my friends anymore at all...I'm just too busy. I am working on being patient and enjoying what are hopefully the end to my single days. But I am starting to think that there will still be times I won't feel loved despite the fact that I'm married to someone. I think those doubts that plague me now as a single person will continue to rear their ugly head. I need to find security in being me and being loved by God and then, regardless of my marital state, I can be content and sure of myself. I want a husband and kids, but I need to know I'm ok if that doesn't happen too.